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What Would Real Estate Listings Sound Like If WWE Stars Were Realtors

Let's get ready to list ittttt

Real estate listings can come in all shapes and sizes, even taking on the form of poetry. But what would they look like if they were put in the hands of rough and tumble wrestlers like Hulk Hogan and The Rock? Curbed imagined it, so you don't have to.

Steve Austin

With six bedrooms and four bathrooms, this single-family home is on the market. What? In Cleveland Park. What? It’s in a picturesque and quiet cul-de-sac. What? I said it’s in a picturesque and quiet cul-de-sac. What? It’s got exposed brick. What? Built-in bookshelves. What? Cathedral ceilings. What? Austin 3:16 says this Tudor style home has got a big price and is a big deal. And that’s the bottom line because Stone Cold said so. What?

The Rock

Finally … The Rock has come back to home listings. The Rock has never wanted a home, has never needed a home, but The Rock realizes that this Spring Valley home might just be the exception. Just take a look inside, and you’ll find stainless steel appliances, a whole house generator, and two fireplaces. You know what The Rock is going to do with this listing? He’s going to put it on the market, and he’s going to sell it. You want this listing? Just bring it. Can you smelllllll what The Rock is cooking?

Hulk Hogan

Let me tell you somethin’, mean gene. There are high-end finishes in this 19th century Capitol Hill listing, brother, along with three custom marble fireplaces. The power of Hulkamania is capable of selling listings with all new systems and a rooftop deck, listings with a completely new, contemporary interior. Whatcha gonna do when when the power of the Hulkster and all his little Hulkamaniac houses run wild on you.

Ric Flair

Ric Flair is able to get the best looking home and any woman in the world he wants, but he’ll let homebuyers have a go at this residence, which also just happens to be the best on the block. This Crestwood listing can’t help that it’s so good — woo! — with the best stainless steel appliances, the most high-end finishes, and soon enough the best paying homebuyers. Woo!

Chris Jericho

Will you please shut the hell up and allow me to welcome you to the best listing in Forest Hills. This is a single-family home with oversized windows, a private backyard with a finished playhouse, and a location surrounded by lush greenery. After taking a look through this listing’s photos, no one will ever — ever — be able to look at homes the same again. This is Raw is Jericho.

Have a favorite wrestler that didn't make it on the list? Try imagining what your favorite wrestler would say by leaving a comment below.