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Hey, Look at VICE Writers' Sorry Attempts to Snark on D.C.

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[Photo by AJ LaTrace]

VICE writers must be running out of things to troll. Yesterday they published a charming article entitled "Reasons Why Washington, D.C. is the Worst Place Ever" and then proceeded to spit out a bunch of hack-ey insults at low hanging targets. Like that we really are Los Angeles for ugly people. Wow, did you come up with that one all on your own? Also, much of this piece seems to be an excuse to take pot shots at Marion Barry. D.C. residents aren't without self-awareness: we're fully aware that the traffic is abysmal, the summer humidity is unbearable and the folks who inspire House of Cards and This Town make everyone else look bad. And thankfully, we have people out there like VICE writers to further perpetuate these stereotypes and pen thoughtful sentences like the ones after the jump.

On People Obsessed With Power:

The city is full of the kind of people who claim they're best friends with Senator Ron Wyden, because they know a person who has a business card of another person, who is mutual friends with his neighbor.

Creating a city with the explicit purpose of bottling up all of the most powerful people in the nation guaranteed that it would evolve into a breeding ground for the ruthless, the tactless, and the shameless.

The city is swarming with 30-year-olds still trying to show off their entry-level position by handing out business cards for a congressional office or obscure think tank—a job that barely pays the rent. Somehow, they're the lucky ones.

Who wouldn't want to get season tickets to see the Washington Pagers, or sport merchandise bearing the logo of a harried 18-year-old in a suit covered in flop sweat?

On Marion Barry:

[Marion] Barry is basically a real-life version of Clay Davis from The Wire, but with way fewer charming catchphrases.

The child poverty rate was around 30 percent in that same year. In DC's Wards 7 and 8, the rate is as high as one in three people. Ward 8 is, of course, the City Council district represented by Marion Barry—a man who has on numerous occasions been censured by the Council for accepting cash bribes from city contractors.

Of course, a city that keeps electing Marion Barry to public office probably isn't organized enough to declare war on fanny packs, let alone a whole country.

And Then Of Course:

Washington is basically an open-air museum of America. There are monuments, historical sites, and gift shops dedicated to patriotic tchotchkes everywhere.

Washington DC Is Just Los Angeles for Ugly People

DC's ruling class isn't going to be on the cover of French Vogue anytime soon.
· Reasons Why Washington, D.C. is the Worst Place Ever [VICE]