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Realtor Goes a Little Wild Trying to Describe This $788K Listing

Here's a lovely three-bedroom asking $788,000 that should have no trouble selling. That is, if the totally wacky text composed by the realtor does not distract would-be buyers from the nice backyard space, hardwood floors, and large windows. For whatever reason, this is the description that came with it.

To start:

Imagine 40 friends yelling "surprise!" Why? Are you trying to tell us this place is great for birthday parties? Because now we just feel bad that we only have 39 38 friends. What's going on here? The description continues: Converted 2-Unit = width & muscle, Converted Store-Front = height & drama, marry the scenarios & stop the presses.

What is the conversion factor? Something does not compute. Are you trying to tell us this used to be two separate places and is now one? We're getting lost in here. But we would like to get married to "height and muscle," if that is an option. "Width and drama" are questionable. Tell us more? A Star is Born for buyers tracking the ever-elusive trifecta of acceleration, efficiency and head-turning quotient. Mercedes body, Prius price w/BMW under the hood. I think your EKG is red-lining. Did I mention the shadow of The Capitol Dome?Electrocardiogram failures? That is how you are going to seal this deal? We're out of here in our hybrid Mercedes/Prius/BMW.
· 225 F Street NE [Estately]