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The DC Rat Tweets...And Speaks

Ken Cuccinelli might end up hating Twitter more than he hates rats. In case you missed it, the "Cooch" went on the radio lambasting a DC law which he claims lets DC pest control capture wild animals—including rats—and release them into Virginia. A few journalists looked into this and found that rats aren't included, but that isn't stopping Cuccinelli and his reps from standing by his original comments. In the meantime, a member of the local rat population signed up for a Twitter account and has been giving his followers a rat's-eye view of his daily activities—including a recent trip to Arlington after hearing Cuccinelli describe how clean Virginia was. We managed to catch up with him and find out his favorite dumpsters, neighborhoods, and political views. The full interview is after the jump.

What are the top three neighborhoods that are the best ones to raid?
Fox Hall Road is unmatched. Trash outside the homes of the 1% is better than the food the 99% eat. But we are not elitists. We've got a large presence on H Street NE. The best bet there is to follow drunk hipsters after last call. More than half will barf before they get on the bus. Hot meal.

And, of course, we love Ward 8. Marion Barry was right when he called it "the ghetto." No one bothers us. In fact, we are supporting his re-election this year. We have a lot more money than you might think. Humans and your opposable thumbs are always dropping coins and cash. It adds up fast. We've been funding Marion's campaigns for years. In DC, his and our survival are inextricably linked.

Are you a part of a rat gang or does the DC Rat roll solo?
We are all one big family. That is why we were delighted when Councilwoman Mary Cheh wrote the law that says exterminators have to relocate us as a family and no killing. Today, we're better protected than pandas.

Any particular restaurant dumpsters that you would recommend?
I had never been to Virginia until Cooch taunted me. On Friday night me and 5,000 of my closest friends discovered Wilson Blvd. The dumpster behind Ray's The Steaks is unsurpassed.

If you could be the top of a food chain for one day, which food chain would it be?
I'd be a polar bear and spend the day on Capitol Hill eating politicians.

When DC officials misappropriate funds they usually buy flashy cars and pimp them out even further. How do the Big Cheeses in your world go rogue?
We have flashy haunts. Mine is Fully Loaded. I found an iPhone the other day. Maybe not a big deal for humans, but it looks great in my entertainment center.

· Follow @the_dc_rat [Twitter]
· Cuccinelli says D.C. council has banned lethal trapping of rats [PolitiFact Virginia]
· Rat Smuggling Ring [CDC]